Life Happens

It's not often that I sit down to write and I find that I have so many things I want to say, and yet ways to express everything is lacking. Where to start....how about last May. After nearly 3 years of marriage I finally convinced Brian that it was time to start trying to have a baby. I figured even if I were to get pregnant right away it would not interfere with my finishing my schooling because the baby would be due after I graduate. And so against Brian's fears he agreed and I went off birth control. Those first few months after I stopped my birth control were the hardest. My body was transitioning of the hormones in birth control and my period was anything but regular. There were a few months where I would think that my period was late, I would take a pregnancy test, and then collapse in tears...only to have my period start within the next 24 hours. I did not understand why we were unable to conceive. It hurt even more when I would look at facebook and see yet another friend announce their pregnancy. It was bittersweet, I was so happy for them, but everywhere I looked I seemed to see another pregnancy. I began wondering if I would ever feel the joys of motherhood.

So much has happened since those first months after I went off birth control. In December I finally graduated from BYU-I with a B.S. in Psychology. I admit there were moments when I didn't think I would ever graduate. I love psychology and I can't believe it took me so many years to figure out that was the field to go into and study. I am still at a loss for what I should do now that I have graduated. I feel like I have spent my whole life in school, and the idea of a break is nice, but I feel restless just working. For awhile I was playing with the idea of getting a masters in counseling specializing in art therapy, but after working with some of the kids at Access Point I don't know that it is right for me. Some of the kids that I worked with, doing behavioral therapy, were complete tyrants and I don't know that I would want to risk working with kids like that for the rest of my life. For the past month we have had Ninja in our home again (the rat I trained in my Principles of Behavioral Learning class) and it did make me remember how much I enjoyed training him and the chickens. Brian had the idea that I look into programs that I can do more training of animals. I like that idea, the animals won't talk back to me the way some of these kids have. I don't want to train dogs, because I am still terrified of them, but I think it would be really amazing to work in a zoo or at an aquarium as a trainer. I have to look into it more, but that is the direction that I am currently leaning towards.

I am so excited for life to move on right now. We have been living in Rexburg for nearly four years and I am ready to live someplace new. Luckily for us Brian did hear back from the graduate schools he applied to, and he was accepted into his top choice. Claremont Graduate University in Claremont, California. In March we had the opportunity to go to the school, look around, meet the professors, and make sure that he did indeed want to go to this school. It is awesome, I am so excited to be in California again, where it does not snow in the wintertime. Unfortunately we will not be able to leave until the beginning of August, and the semester will start in the beginning of September. One nice thing is that we will only be about an hour away from where I grew up, from my parents.

Now to the present. It has been about two weeks now since I was supposed to have my period. Last Saturday, before we left for Memorial Day weekend in Utah I took a pregnancy test. I was not expecting anything of it because it would not be the first time that my period was late. Three minutes passed and I got the nerves up to look at the test for the results. I nearly passed out when I realized there was the pink line to indicate that I was pregnant. After barely calming down I went to Brian and shared the news. I could not believe what my eyes were telling me. After nearly a year a pregnancy test was finally telling me the new that I had been hoping and praying for, for such a long time. The following day I took a digital test, oh how excited I felt to see the word "Pregnant" appear on the test. I have my first appointment with the doctor's on June 13. I pray that everything will go well with this pregnancy, that I won't have a miscarriage. I am so excited for what the future holds. I can't wait to hold this precious little girl or boy that is growing within me. Life is truly full of surprises and every moment that we breath we should cherish.