Story of a Diagnosis

Today I've experienced a whirlwind of emotions. And because of this my writing may not be completely coherent or make sense, I am trying to gather my thoughts and hoping that by writing about this it will help.

In late 2008, after being married to Brian for a few months I woke up one morning to find I was feeling pain in my shoulders. I literally could not raise my arms above  my head without being in extreme pain. I simply thought that I had slept wrong and just needed to stretch out and the pain would go away. At the time I had already been setting appointments with the doctors at the BYU-Idaho Health Center to see if they could help me with my chronic headaches. I did not think to mention this new pain at the time, because I figured it would go away. And it did.....for a few months, but then it came back. Again, no apparent reason for me to be experiencing pain. In between and throughout these periods of time with the shoulder joint pain I would complain to Brian about what I thought felt like shin splints. While we would sit in bed at night watching Lost on my laptop I would have him rub whatever was hurting or put on heat packs. It only ever really offered temporary relief.

After a few cycles of this repeated painful cycles I began to think more about it. Since I was still seeing the doctors seeking relief for my headaches I finally decided to mention it. This particular doctor that I was seeing somehow got it in his head that I had depression. When bloodwork came back negative for rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and other things I could tell that he had decided that I was depressed in the way that he would talk to me and not really listen to me as a patient. It was entirely FRUSTRATING. I felt like he was saying that the pain that I was experiencing was all in my head. I knew this was not the case, but since he was the doctor that I could see with my student insurance I made the decision to stop pursuing finding an answer for my pains. I decided I had already been just "dealing" with the pain of my headaches and so I would just "deal" with the random joint pain, and hopefully it would go away.

Fast forward to a few months after Chloe was born (about May 2013). My pain cycles have reached an all time low. I now have months of being pretty much constantly in pain  at an 8 or a 9 with only a few weeks where the pain is at a 2 or a 3. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I don't think I can just "deal" with it anymore. Sitting and breastfeeding I end up crying from the pain of sitting in one position for too long and I need Brian's help to stand up or sit down. Stairs....I hate them.

Being a busy mother I did end up just continuing to just "deal" with it. Once Chloe started walking and being mobile I knew that things had to change. And yet it wasn't until about June 2014 that I decided to go to the doctors about my joint pain again. I was so afraid to trust a doctor with this again because I did not want to feel like they felt it was all in my head again. The doctor was very surprised that I had been dealing with this for so long and not sought help. With that first appointment we started a process that has today come to a partial close. She immediately ordered bloodwork and x-rays be done. Those again came back negative for anything being wrong. Since I was still breastfeeding at the time she was limited in what sort of pain medications she could prescribe me. For months I would go in once a month and try a new prescription to see if it would help. She sent me to a physical therapist in December 2014, and while it did partially help it was not a solution. We did more bloodwork testing for more things, it still came back negative. Finally after stopping breastfeeding in January this year I was given a prescription that gave me enough relief that I could actually sleep through the pain and get the rest I so dearly needed. While having pain medication that relieves the joint pain is helpful, it's not an answer.

The doctor decided it was time to send me to a rheumatologist, but before that appointment we decided to try one more medication. Duloxetine. (I'll get back to this in a little bit) Again I went through the process of more bloodwork and more x-rays to rule out anything. Today I finally got a diagnosis. It's one that I've known has been coming for awhile, and yet I still have some very conflicting emotions. I have Fibromyalgia. Mayo Clinic defines Fibromyalgia as a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory, and mood issues. Here are some of the thoughts I'm dealing with now that I have a name to what I've been feeling for six long years. The negative: There is no cure. It really is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. The positive: I have a diagnosis, it's not in my head, Another positive: Duloxetine, a medication commonly prescribed for other patients with fibromyalgia, and it greatly improved my pain. While my pain still exists I am much more mobile now. Which is great because I have a crazy toddler who always runs instead of walking. I know I will have good days and bad days. I know that consistently exercising I feel so much better. So even though I still wake up completely exhausted from rough nights I need to make myself get up and move, or else I wont be able to move in the following days. I hope in time something better will come along to take away the pain I experience, but for now I just have to accept that I really do have fibromyalgia and it is something that I will have to deal with day by day.

June 28th: Seattle

It's kind of crazy how fast a week goes by. In some ways I wish this cruise had been as long as the Hawaii cruise, but the other part of me was grateful that it was time to head home. We were lucky that Chloe adjusted to sleeping in the same room as us much better than on the trip to San Francisco that we took just in March. However much she adjusted though we were glad to be done with that arrangement. After we left the ship we boarded the tour bus with most of the Riches family and the rest of the people from the Brian Judd Tours (the group that Grandma Riches had used to arrange this cruise). Instead of heading straight to the airport we were to take a short tour of Seattle.

The first stop was the Space Needle. Brian and I had decided not to go up into the Space Needle because we had already paid for the other excursions and did not want to pay more money, and so were content to just walk around the grounds. Much as luck would have it, two in our group decided not to go up and so we were given their tickets and were able to go up. We are grateful to them for their generosity and that we were able to experience the Space Needle to it's full extent. It was pretty neat to see all of Seattle from so high up. I do wish the lines to go up weren't so long because then we could have taken Chloe on the awesome looking playground equipment that we saw on our way back to the tour bus.

Silly green screen photo they gave us.

We could see the Chihuly Glass Garden in line for the Space Needle!

Space Needle

We didn't go inside the EMP Museum, but the building is pretty awesome.

The second stop was the Chittenden Locks Fish Ladder. I wasn't too interested in the locks because when we went out to New York two years ago we went Erie Canal and experienced those locks from a boat. Chloe mirrored my feelings as well. So we spent the first little bit exploring the greenery and enjoying being outdoors. We decided to then make the walk across the locks to the salmon ladders. They were not what I was expecting at all. In my mind I think I was expecting to see a bunch of fish jumping up all at once. Instead it was a rare glimpse of a salmon making the struggle to get up every five minutes or so. Despite this there was an excitement one felt as we anticipated where the next fish would come from and hoped for its success in the struggle upstream. It was fun to watch for the salmon. Chloe much preferred the area inside with the glass windows so she could see the salmon that were swimming.

Mommy I see fishies!

Fun sculptures to play on.

Once we were done at the locks we took a scenic driving tour through Seattle and some of it's highlights without any stops and then headed to the airport. Instead of heading straight home from Seattle we flew to Salt Lake City for a few days so we could visit more with family. It was great fun in Utah, and I loved the chance to go look at wedding dresses with my sister in law. I look forward to our next trip in August to see her get married.

June 27th: Victoria, British Columbia

Originally when we had learned that this cruise would be stopping in Victoria we had considered doing the tour that would take us to the Butchart and Butterfly Gardens. Then we took a closer look at what time we would be getting into port. We did not arrive until 7pm, and so we decided that it would be much too late to do an excursion with Chloe. We had no idea what we would be doing or where we would go until we got off the ship. We decided to just take the shuttle into the downtown area of Victoria. It was a very casual outing for us. We walked around the docks where there were lots of street entertainers as we were making our way towards the parliament building. Chloe was feeling a little tired at this point, but her crying stopped immediately as we neared a man who was playing the bagpipes. She really enjoyed the bagpipes. That kept who happy until we got across the street to the parliament building where we could let her out of the stroller and she could run around on the grass. She then saw stairs in the distance and took off for them. The sun was setting at this point and so after Brian got some good shots of the surrounding area we decided to head back to the ship. Victoria really was a beautiful city that I would like to explore more someday, but because of time constraints we weren't able to. We did have a great time watching the different street performers. There was even a guy dressed up a Darth Vader playing the violin.

View of the Empress Hotel, the Parliament building, and where all the street performers were around the docks.

Chloe was so freaked out by her, especially when she winked at Chloe.

Gorgeous sunset.

The bagpipe player.

Chloe running up the steps of the parliament building.

Our pretty happy girl!

June 25th: Skagway

Anyone who has played the Oregon Trail may also be familiar with the game called the Yukon Trail. Or at least those that grew up in my household are. Ever since playing that game when I was little I've had the desire to go to Skagway and pan for gold. The excursion that we decided on was called "Sled Dogs, Gold Panning, and 40 Below Zero Experience." I knew that Chloe would absolutely love the sled dogs, and I would get my chance to pan for gold in Skagway. This excursion was my second favorite, despite some bumps. We started of the tour having to wait for a video, unfortunately Chloe was really not wanting to sit through a video and proceeded to scream and cry through most of it (Much to the distress of one older lady who kept giving me the dirtiest looks. I mean come on you are going to a tourist destination that is going to have young kids. Young kids aren't happy and don't like to sit still sometimes.) Anyways....after the video we moved to another area to listen to a man named Matt Hayashida talk about his experience racing sled dogs in the Iditarod. Chloe was asking for a nap at this point and so while Brian listened I went into a corner as far away from people as possible and tried to keep her happy.

The little black things hanging are actually little booties that each of the sled dogs wear so they don't get ice between there toes, because their feet are so hot running so long and hard. Each bootie is worn for about 60 miles.

Finally after nearly twenty minutes of presentations we were able to move back to where the sled dogs were being held. We lined up along a fence and waited for the sled dogs to be released. Chloe was so happy to see the dogs running past her. Some were so friendly jumping up on the fence to lick people on their faces. Chloe's mood definitely improved at this point. After everyone had got a chance to pet the dogs Matt harnessed up the dogs for a demonstration. One dog in particular he pointed out for us to watch. This dog was the one jumping up and licking people, the most friendly of them all. Within seconds of being attached to the harness his whole demeanor changed. He started howling and crouching down and jumping so hard, ready to pull the sled. It was pretty intense.

I'm ready to GO!!!

After the demonstration of the sled dogs racing the dogs were put away and out came the spotlight of the show. The PUPPIES!!! These sled dog puppies were so cute. I'm not really a dog person, but these guys were adorable. We weren't allowed to let them down on the ground, so Chloe wasn't able to hold them by herself, but I think she liked our solution even more. We would hold onto her while grabbing the puppies into our other arm. This put the puppies right at prime licking level.

Chloe getting some licks.

So many licks!

Cute puppy!

Next was the 40 Below Zero Experience. I was not sure what Chloe would think since she's never experienced anything besides a California winter. We went into a room filled with winter coats and we were happy to see they had one the perfect size for Chloe. Once everyone was dressed warmly we headed into the freezer. They had a throne made of ice that we thought was pretty neat. We joked with Chloe that Elsa had visited and this made her smile. Once we left the freezing room Chloe did not want to take the winter coat off. She was so cold even though it was above 70 degrees outside.

On the ice throne.

She was so cold. It sadly didn't seem too different from Rexburg to me....

The last part of our excursion was the gold panning. Again we had to listen to yet another presentation while a man dressed up as a miner explained the how to for gold panning. Since we were outside Chloe was happy to just run around and the miner didn't seem to mind her running around. After the presentation we were presented with our pan and went over to the water to start panning for gold. It was interesting to do, and crazy to see how quickly the gold would seem to appear in our pans. Chloe didn't actually do any panning, but had fun playing in the water. With our 3 pans we collected 3.5 grains of gold, which they said was worth about $27.34.

It was a fun experience in Skagway. After getting back from our tour we decided to take the shuttle into the main town and look at the shops. Since it was past Chloe's naptime she ended up falling asleep in the stroller, which made for a nice leisurely stroll back to the ship. We were able to look at some of the trains used for the White Pass on our way back to the ship too.

Chloe slept right through the stroller bouncing over those wooden planks.

Trains!

June 24th: Tracy Arm Fjord and Juneau

Tracy Arm Fjord

The night before I should have really looked at the itinerary to see the hours that we would be passing through the Fjord. Luckily for us (sort of) Chloe woke up quite early on this day (6:30 am), and so we were actually able to see some of the Fjord. It was really spectacular and takes your breath away at the beauty that is on this Earth. This morning was probably the coldest that we encountered while on our cruise. So we bundled Chloe up, along with ourselves, and went out onto the deck. Throughout the water you can see many chunks of ice and the mountains tower above you, and you can see a glacier in the distance. It was eerily quiet because everyone was in awe. We were able to see our first sea creature in the water this morning as well. There was a sea otter. It was very cute and curious so swam up next to the boat.

You can see the glacier past the "V" of the mountains.

So much ice!

Love the blue coloring in this iceberg.

Juneau

Going on our excursion for Juneau we knew would be interesting with Chloe. We were supposed to leave for it right in the middle of her nap time, and so after passing through the Fjord we knew we would need to try to get Chloe down for a nap early so she wouldn't be grumpy. I would say our excursion in Juneau was probably my favorite. We went first to Mendenhall Glacier, followed by a Rainforest Garden, and lastly we received our tickets for the Mt. Roberts Tramway. The reason why this tour was so awesome was because even though we listened to the tour guide on the bus to these destinations, once we arrived we were able to go out an explore on our own. This is amazing when you have a toddler that likes to look at everything and be outside in general (picking up leaves, collecting rocks, and of course climbing). 

For our first stop at Mendenhall Glacier we first stopped in the visitors center. While it provides a lot of useful and interesting facts about glaciers we knew right away we couldn't spend a lot of time in there because there was not enough stuff to interest Chloe. So we decided to find a trail to go out towards the glacier. We decided to take the Nugget Falls trail, two miles round trip. This took us up right up to a waterfall that is very close to the glacier. It was amazing! I really fell in love with Alaska at this place. I would love to live in Juneau and just be able to explore all the trails around Mendenhall Glacier every weekend.

Mendenhall Glacier

Nugget Falls

Collecting Rocks

So happy!

After the glacier we went to Juneau Rainforest Garden. This garden was privately owned by two ethnobotanists/naturalists who have collected and planted this garden amid the Alaskan rainforest to display seasonal wildflowers, mushrooms, and forest canopy that can be found native in Southeast Alaska. The funny thing was it started raining lightly exactly as we started our walk down the path into the rainforest. Chloe's favorite part I think was finding the numbers to help us identify what each of the plants were. As we finished we were rewarded with a yummy cookie that Chloe actually ate (Getting her to eat lately has been quite a trial of our patience lately).

Chloe enjoying being outside and the rain!

In front of an awesome whale totem pole.

These little houses on stilts were used by natives and pioneers to store salmon and other preserved foods for the cold winters. They would still be able to reach their food when the ground was piled high with snow.

Baby bear and papa bear

The last stop in our tour was the Mt. Roberts Tramway. This was a tramway that would take us all the way from sea level at the docks all the way to the top of Mt. Roberts. Brian was a little nervous because you are suspended in a box just by a cable. I was more excited because I had never ridden on anything like this before. It was so crazy how fast we traveled up the mountain. It wasn't super fast, but it went a lot quicker than I was expecting, less than five minutes I would say. I'm not one that is afraid of heights but it did make my stomach drop a little to look down. The view from the top was amazing. We could see all of our ship and it looked tiny from where we were. We didn't spend as much time as we would have liked at that top because it was past dinnertime and we needed to get Chloe some food, but it was definitely worth the trip up. There is also apparently a trail hikers can take up too if you don't want to pay the money to take the tramway. We had a great day in Juneau, it would be nice to go back again someday and explore more trails.

Our cruise ship from way up high.

Part of our view from the top of Mt. Roberts tramway exit.

Here is a picture of the tramway about halfway down the mountain. The incline was pretty steep,

Bald Eagles

June 21st to 23rd: At Sea and Ketchikan, Alaska

I'll skip writing about June 21st because that was just traveling from our house to Seattle.

June 22nd: At Sea 
It's interesting when we went on the cruise to Hawaii we were at sea for about 4 days before we arrived at any destination. With this cruise we only had two days fully at sea. Last time I also didn't not experience getting dizzy spells like I did on this ship. I'm thinking it may be due to new medications that I am taking....yay. I was grateful that our first day of the cruise was only at sea because I was not feeling up to doing much of anything. Brian was wonderful enough to watch Chloe and go out and explore the ship so I could rest. Not much happened this day except for the start of eating way too much food, but that's expected on a cruise, right?

June 23rd: Ketchikan, Alaska
Our first stop in Alaska. When we woke up that morning and opened the window I didn't realize quite how breathtaking the view would be. We were lucky enough to be on the side of the ship that faced the land. Ketchikan is such a cute little town. We signed up to take an excursion to Saxman Native Village and Totem Bight State Park. We left promptly at 10:30am and with a short ten minute drive through town we arrived at the village, gasping and oohing each time we caught a glimpse of an eagle flying in the sky or a totem pole. Our tour started with a video talking about the importance of totem poles and how they tell the history of the people. Our guide taught us a few phrases in the native tongue (I don't remember them unfortunately). Chloe did pretty good sitting through the video and listening. After the video presentation, we took a short walk through the woods to the clan house. We entered the clan house and were invited to watch them do their welcoming dance and others. At the end volunteers were invited to come up and take some of the garments the performers were wearing and do the last dance with them. Chloe was so excited to dance and Brian went up with her. There was actually a little girl who was Chloe's age who came up to her and offered Chloe her robe. Chloe wouldn't take it, but it was adorable. This little girl also did an amazing job following along with the others for the dance.

After that was complete we left the clan house and went to where all the totem poles were. Our tour guide told us the stories behind each of the totem poles and their meanings. Unfortunately Chloe was getting a little grumpy because she wanted to run and explore, not stand around a listen to stories. We took turns watching her so we could hear the stories.

Lastly we visited a master carvers workshop. We were able to watch him work on carving a totem pole. While he worked and Saxman village native told us a little more about the work that goes into carving totem poles, how long it takes to become a master carver, what tools were traditionally used, how paints were traditional made, and many more things. It was all so interesting to learn about.

When we came back from the tour we ate lunch quickly and put Chloe down for a nap with an intention of exploring the town right of the port where the ship was docked. Unfortunately we didn't realize the ship would be leaving port right as Chloe woke up from her nap, so we missed out on exploring Ketchikan a little more. It was still great fun.

Part of our view from the room we were staying in.

The cute little girl Chloe's age dancing in the center.

Chloe and Brian ready to join in the dancing.

The clan house.

Me trying to tell Chloe about the meaning of the totem pole.

Also because we had the whole afternoon on the ship after Ketchikan we went swimming. Chloe loves the water and would have swam longer if we didn't need to get cleaned up for dinner. The pool was awesome at this point because the water was heated. Later on in the cruise for some reason the pool stopped being heated, so we were glad that we decided to go swimming this one day.

Chloe didn't really want to stop swimming to take a picture.

Happy girl!

Trying to stay warm while dad grabbed her an ice cream cone.

Cheese!

Alaska Cruise: June 21st - 28th

A couple of weeks ago, June 21st-28th, our family was able to embark on quite the adventure. Brian's Grandma Riches coordinated and paid for a cruise for the entire Riches family to go on. (A few years ago, before Chloe was born, she also did this for the Hawaii cruise) We set sail on the Ruby Princess on Father's Day (what a great gift for Brian, right?) We were all so excited to see the whole family and see wonderful Alaska. In total we had 27 family members go, only two people were missing. It was such great fun to see family members around the cruise ship and hear about what adventures they had gone on during the day. Over the next few posts I will write about what our small family (Brian, Teresa, and Chloe) did on our excursions in Alaska. And of course what would be a vacation without pictures.....I apologize in advance if it's a bit of a picture overload. I went through over a thousand pictures and narrowed it down to 100 favorites, and I'll try not to post all of them in the blog. We are grateful for the generosity that made it possible for us to do this, and will cherish the memories for the rest of our lives. Here are a few random pictures to start us off. Enjoy!

We enjoyed playing miniature golf on board the ship a couple times. Chloe had fun swinging putters.

View from the back of the boat.

Grandpa Riches in his room, ours was right next to theirs. The one with the light on...

Chloe's favorite activity on the ship. Riding the "motorcycles."

Our pretty little girl. :)